If you’ve spent any time reading about child development, ADHD, autism, learning differences, or even parenting in general, you’ve probably come across the phrase executive functioning.
It seems to be everywhere.
Parents are often told:
“Your child struggles with executive functioning.”
But what does that actually mean?
Is it intelligence?
Motivation?
Behaviour?
Not at all.
Executive functioning isn’t about whether a child is clever. Many highly intelligent children struggle with executive functioning every day.
Instead, executive functioning is a set of mental skills that help us manage everyday life.
These skills allow us to plan, organise, remember information, control our impulses, switch between tasks, solve problems, and keep working towards a goal even when we’d rather be doing something else.
In many ways, executive functioning acts like the brain’s management system.
Have you ever wondered how your brain actually gets things done?
It helps to think of your brain like a busy family home. In a house, you have lots of separate chores: washing dishes, cooking dinner, doing laundry, and checking the calendar.
Keeping a home running takes more than knowing how to do each individual job. Someone has to remember what needs doing, decide what comes first, keep track of time, adapt when plans change and make sure things actually get finished.
But who coordinates them all? That is a skill called Executive Functioning. You can think of it as your brain’s inner Household Manager.
It helps us hold information in mind, manage distractions, shift our attention, think before acting and organise the steps needed to reach a goal. This “Manager” runs your day-to-day life:
We all have days where we look at a messy room or a to do list and just freeze up. When difficulties with planning, starting, organising, remembering or switching between tasks regularly interfere with everyday life, this may be described as executive dysfunction.
It doesn’t mean you are lazy, and it doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten how to do the chores. Sometimes, it can feel as though your inner Household Manager is completely exhausted and burnt out. The boss can’t decide what to do first, so the whole system stalls.
When you feel stuck, remember: sometimes your inner manager might just need a break, a little help working out where to start, or fewer things to manage at once.
✔ Plan ahead
✔ Get started on tasks
✔ Stay organised
✔ Manage their time
✔ Remember instructions
✔ Think before acting
✔ Control emotions
✔ Stay focused
✔ Switch between activities
✔ Solve problems
✔ Finish what they started
Your child might…
To others, these behaviours may look like laziness, carelessness, or a lack of effort.
In reality, your child may be working incredibly hard just to manage the demands of everyday life.
As children get older, life places greater demands on executive functioning.
In primary school, adults often provide much of the structure.
By secondary school, children are expected to manage increasing independence.
They may need to:
For children with executive functioning difficulties, these demands can quickly become overwhelming.
One of the biggest misconceptions is that children who struggle with executive functioning aren’t trying.
In fact, many are incredibly bright.
Some have excellent memories for facts.
Some achieve highly in subjects they enjoy.
Others can explain complex ideas with ease.
Yet they still forget their PE kit.
Still lose their homework.
Still miss deadlines.
Still struggle to begin writing an assignment.
Intelligence and executive functioning are different skills.
A child can have one without the other.
The goal isn’t to do everything for your child.
It’s to gradually build the skills they’ll eventually use independently.
Some simple ways to help include:
Children don’t have to remember as much when routines stay the same.
“Tidy your room” can feel overwhelming.
“Put all the dirty clothes in the basket” is much easier.
Calendars, checklists, planners, and whiteboards reduce the amount your child has to hold in their working memory
Instead of simply telling your child what to do, explain your own thinking.
“I’m checking tomorrow’s weather because that will help me decide what coat to wear.”
You’re modelling executive functioning.
Children with executive functioning difficulties often need longer to process information and organise themselves.
Executive functioning continues developing well into early adulthood.
These skills don’t appear overnight.
They grow through practice, experience, guidance, and support.
Children aren’t expected to have perfect planning, organisation, or self-control at twelve years old.
They’re still learning.
With patient adults alongside them, these skills can continue to strengthen over time.
When a child forgets, loses, avoids, or struggles to get started, it’s easy to assume they aren’t trying.
Sometimes that is true.
But sometimes they simply don’t yet have the mental tools needed to manage everything life is asking of them.
The question becomes less:
“Why won’t they do it?”
and more:
“What part of managing this task feels difficult for them?”
That small shift in thinking can completely change the way we support our children.
Written by Natasha Leona 🌱
Social Skills Educator | Founder of Learn 2 be Social
I create resources for parents and educational programmes for children and young people, helping them better understand themselves, others, and the impact of their choices whilst developing confidence and independence.
Understanding the “why” helps children choose the “how”.
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